My Story...

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“And suddenly, I was witnessing my brain going numb. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me. With time, I stopped eating much, talking, enjoying life and all I did was sleep…because that was my ultimate escape…” 

People take mental health for granted. Just because the pain isn’t visible to their naked eyes, they feel it’s just some sort of stress. Here begins my story of depression which,

- was worsened because of negligence

- made no sense to others because of my lack of communication

- was treated as “no big deal”.

Life’s too short to decide about what’s important to focus on and what’s not, right? We make certain things our priorities and start to work and schedule our lives accordingly. But amidst all of this, we somewhere forget about ourselves. We let loose of all the precious elements that make us, us. The same was the case with me. Every time I got attached to certain people, I gave my 100% to them without even saving 1% for myself. Whenever I got caught up with things, I spent all my time on them without even devoting one second of my time to myself. There was nothing in this world that reminded me of my own existence until one fine day, I realised that it was too late to find myself again...

I woke up every day with no desire to wake up. People I used to love didn’t matter anymore. My own home felt like that of a stranger’s. I was devastated. In every way possible. And the fact that I couldn’t figure out what was wrong made it even worse. I wanted to talk about my feelings but could never find the right words. I wanted to blame society but couldn’t understand ‘WHY’. Infinite questions were clouding my mind but at the same time, there were none. People around me could observe me changing. They were witnessing a fun-loving human turning into a lifeless body. I used to find myself sitting in a dark room, alone with my blank mind. I used to find myself tearing up for no reason, feeling scared for no reason, feeling distant for no reason. Distant… not only from people around me but distant… from my own self. 

The thought that it could be depression never crossed my mind until one day my parents took me to a therapist. A therapist who changed my life, forever. A lady who brought me back to life, who dragged me out of that dark room and made me believe in colours again, a lady who became the answer to all my questions. Writing all this today still sends infinite chills down my spine. The only difference is that the girl who’s being talked about was a dark, vulnerable, wrecked soul and the girl writing all this today, believes in the magic of curing, healing and rediscovering one’s own self. 

Conclusion: Give some time to yourself every day to sync your life with happiness. If there’s a time when you find yourself in a web of unknown reasons of sadness, show up and talk! Don’t wait until it’s too late to find your old self back. Show this world that there's no bigger power than one’s will power to fight back, irrespective of how broken they are… irrespective of how damaged they are! 

 -Crystall✨

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