Some must-have elements to save a relationship

*Disclaimer: This blog is not written by an expert or does not contain any in-depth relationship advice. This is just my way of looking at life and lessons that I’ve understood throughout my journey till now*.

• We all want our family to just be ours.
• We never want our parents to choose our siblings over us.
• We always want our significant other to be loyal to us.
• We want our cute puppy to never get detached from us.
• We want our child to always trust us.

 

But at the same time…

 

• We are jealous.
• We are insecure.
• We always want to be their go-to person.
• We are scared of being replaced.

Well, today’s blog is all about relationships. This blog specifically targets the people you love and care about and never wanna lose. By the end of this blog, your relationship closet would be full of some must-have elements! So, hang in there and start scrolling down:)

In this world full of uncertainties, each one of us wants to give our best to make our relationships a success, right? But sometimes, all those efforts take a huge U-turn and get converted into a major failure. Before starting a relationship, one never thinks of the responsibilities that it brings to him/ her. We are so busy living in the moment that the storms of the future least bother us. We rush things and just focus on making the other person happy without thinking about ourselves. And we term it: ‘Love’. So, this brings us to the very first element which is important in every relationship and that is ‘Self-love’.

• ·       Self-love should be your first love: People usually forget that the energy they release is the energy they receive. No doubt this universe is big but not big enough for these energies to find its way back to them. This is very true that to be in a relationship or a family, we need to compromise on certain things. We need to think about others before making any decisions. But at the same time, we often misunderstand the term compromise with our comfort’s demise. This is when:

1.      We pretend to be okay.
2.      We act like someone that we aren’t.
3.      We force our mind to feel comfortable even when we’re not.
4.      We approve of things that we would’ve otherwise disapproved of.
5.      We try to belong to a place which makes sense to us.

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Unknowingly, we are killing the person that we originally are and the same person that our significant other fell in love with. We tend to unlearn all the notions that originally belonged to us, by just thinking that we’re making an effort to keep that particular relationship going smoothly. But in reality, this is not the case. We don’t realise when subconsciously we start to feel caged, toxic and uncomfortable. We never really understand how long we bottle it up until one fine day, a random tiny thing triggers us to blast it all. Hence, ending a relationship in deep trouble.

Conclusion: Normalize putting forth your point whenever you don’t feel comfortable with stuff. One needs to understand that to keep the other person happy, you first need your mind to be a positive space. You can kill your wishes for some time but once your inner conscious starts kicking in, it all starts to mess up big time!

• Embrace the space: Sometimes our mind is a mess. We completely lose the ability to think right, comprehend in a proper direction and react ethically. It seems like a lot is going on in mind but at the same time, there is nothing that we can talk about. Well, in this case, I think that one should prefer taking a break, a little space to clear out the clutter in his/her life and to figure out the chaos. And the same goes for the other person as well. If you feel that the other person needs some time to himself/ herself, then rather than making a mountain of a molehill, try walking in their shoes and leave them alone for some time. If you continuously try to poke your nose in their lives, thinking that you’re helping, then trust me friends, that isn’t going to help a bit. Rather it tends to make a relationship even more toxic and vulnerable. Then, you need to realise that the other person is not in that state of mind to understand your point of view and nor is he obliged to do so.

We need to understand that no matter how long we are together with the other person, they still are a wholly different individual, who have a life of their own, a different mindset of their own and at the end of the day deserve some time to their own. We need to normalise the fact that two people are working on a break, trying to figure out what they actually want and are rather not doing something behind each other’s back.

How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving

• ·       Understanding is the key: We often hear people talking about some of the important aspects of a relationship, which include: honesty, care, loyalty, trust etc. But you know what is the most important element among all these? It is understanding. The fact that how much are you able to sense each other’s vibes and trust their deeds makes a relationship really really successful. Somehow, I cannot seem to stress upon this point enough. In every relationship, one needs to respect the decisions that the other person is making and try to support them. Although there is nothing wrong in discussing the pros and cons of everything that they do, but sometimes you need to let go of the advice-giving partner and watch the other do their own thing, make their efforts. And above it all, proudly see them fall and get back on their legs again.

Let’s just simplify it even more: Your mother wants to start a new business at the age of 40. You discuss with her about everything that it takes to start a brand-new business. Somehow you are not convinced with her decision. But she’s adamant on doing things her way and steps ahead in the direction of pursuing her dream. But over time, it looks like the business isn’t doing any good. Now here you got two options:

Ø  Taunt/ mock her for her business’s fail.

Ø  Proudly support her to get back in the spirit again/ encourage her to not lose hope.

You see, this is where the relationships come to a test. If you chose the first option, it would have led your mother to lose her trust in you and she would probably be disappointed. While on the contrary, when you opt for the second option, it would strengthen your relationship even more and both of you would end up in a happy space with a positive mindset.

Conclusion: It all boils down to understanding!

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• ·       Discuss literally everything: Many times, we think to keep stuff to ourselves and deal with it all alone. Just because we don’t want to bother them or we don’t want the other person to feel that we are stupid or we are overthinking. But amidst all this, we never realise how quick we start judging the other person or begin assuming things of our own.

Well, as they say it right: “An empty mind is a devil’s workshop”.

This sentence literally comes to existence at this point. As discussed in the previous blog (Recommended: Falling prey to negativity) about how we develop so much negativity in our minds that even after the other person is trying his/ her best to make you feel happy, you still find yourself annoyed. This is one of the most common situations that can be witnessed in many relationships. Hence, it becomes of utmost importance for people to discuss the things that bother them. For a perfect relationship, both the people need to stand on a solid platform where there is not a single hole of insecurity. This is what makes a relationship a huge success.

• ·       Fighting is okay but breaking heart isn’t: You can never find even a single relationship where there are no fights. But one should realise that there is always a certain way to contradict the other person’s opinion and convince them with yours. Positive criticism is one such way to show the mirror to the other person and still keep the vibe of the situation low-key. In the heat of the moment, many times, we tend to exceed our limits and start spitting crap, which makes the situations even worse. Hence, rather than making the other person understand our point, we start to prove to them that listening to us won’t lead them to anything better. Therefore, the point where you prove yourself to be a true partner is when you are boiling with anger but still somehow manage to keep those emotions buried to protect the other person’s heart.  

 

Reminder: Well, if you somehow managed to reach this far, then my friend, I hope that you know that the people around you are so proud to have you in their lives. But if by any chance you have disappointed them and are trying to get back to them, know that you’re gonna be back in their favorite's list. Just never feel that you’re not worth it or don’t deserve them because it’s the efforts that count and not the mistakes.

-Crystall✨

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